The Diary of Wolfram
by luvdawinx
Summary: Sequel to Wolfram's Happy Ending. The papers were neat, nothing ripped or torn out of place. Wolfram's writing was as neat as the pages, in well-written cursive on top of that. He picked a random page, and then he found the first sentence for that day. "Why won't he love me?"


**A/N: I decided to write a sequel to Wolfram's Happy Ending. It's not really ****that much of a happy ending, though. Oh well, I hope you enjoy and review!**

**Warning: Major character death**

* * *

_The Diary of Wolfram_

He looked at every inch of the empty room, the one whose owner has gone away. Every content of the room he memorized to great detail. After closing and locking the door behind him he made his way towards the bed. Fingering the sheets, he looked out the window and sighed softly and sadly. Oh, what he'd wish for to have the former owner of this room to come back.

_I wish you were here, Wolfram_, he thought, laying his head down onto the pillow in which the blonde owner would occasionally sleep on. Even though it had been a few days Wolfram's scent was still freshly imprinted into the pillows. Clenching the pillows in balled fists, Yuuri choked back an upcoming sob. _I'm sorry... that I wasn't able to make you happy._

The death of the beloved Von Bielefeld boy was so sudden, no one had expected it. When he had gotten back from patrol one day he was covered in many injuries, bandages covering most of them. Only those on his face were the ones that were not dressed. The story was that he and his group were attacked by an unknown enemy, a group that had ambushed them unexpectedly, and since they were reaching a border into human territory their powers were useless. His soldiers kept telling the inhabitants of the castle and soon after the rest of the kingdom of how he sacrificed himself in order to buy them time to get themselves to safety. By the time the group of unknown men had left, he was on the ground in slash marks and blood.

On the next day, the healer Gisela was checking up on the blonde staying in her infirmary in the early morning. She was so shocked, so scared to see him completely motionless, that not even his chest was heaving the slightest. In a flash she did all the diagnostics and had her spells ready. But in the end she did not need to do anything. He was already dead. According to her diagnosis he most likely died of his injuries because many of them were highly critical. During the autopsy, however, a second cause was found- an overdose of painkillers.

Many to most had come to the conclusion that he committed suicide, including Yuuri. The double black knew it was his fault that suicide was his death sentence. He tried so much to love him only to break his heart in the end by annulling the engagement when he concluded he would not be able to make it work. After that he watched as Wolfram slowly fell into a deep depression that he was able to hide from everyone except Yuuri, who thought that he would get better on his own. He was thinking foolishly, stupidly.

When the funeral ended Gisela handed the king a small book, stating she found it under Wolfram's pillow while cleaning out the infirmary. He looked at the first page and immediately saw the words "This Journal Belongs to:..." and then the blonde's full name. He chose to keep it, but not read it. Although Wolfram was no longer there to stop him he still wanted to respect his privacy, and so left it alone. He did, however, keep the journal in his back pocket wherever he went.

Yuuri took the small journal out of his back pocket and brushed his thumb over the cover, which was in smooth brown leather. There was no lock, so he could look at it whenever he wanted if that was what he wished for. But still, before he pushed back the urge to read it. He pushed away what Gisela had told him when he said he did not want to read it.

"Wolfram Von Bielefeld would want you to know what he went through."

After holding back until now, he thought he might as well look into the book. The papers were neat, nothing ripped or torn out of place. Wolfram's writing was as neat as the pages, in well-written cursive on top of that. He picked a random page, and then he found the first sentence for that day.

_Why won't he love me?_

Having read that first sentence, he continued to read on from there.

_**If I had to  
I would put myself right beside you  
So let me ask  
Would you like that?  
Would you like that?**_

_I've always wanted to grow closer to Yuuri, but every time that happens he slips away. That was how I felt when he broke the engagement with me today. He called me into his office, and we both signed the document needed to annul the engagement. Why did I sign the paper? one would ask. Well, it's because I want to make sure he's happy. Above the many things I wanted to protect, his happiness was the number one priority for me._

_So in the end, where did it all go wrong?_

**_And I don't mind  
if you say this love is the last time  
So now I'll ask  
Do you like that?  
Do you like that?  
No!_**

_He didn't seem to mind breaking it off, and I get it. I know he was just trying to make me happy until he thought he couldn't pull off the disguise anymore. What I love about him is his honesty, so if he can't lie to me any longer than the reason is right there. At least he tried caring about me genuinely... So why can't I stop loving the way he stopped trying?_

Yuuri whispered, even though he was speaking into still air, "It's because you really do love me, and also because I was too much of a wimp to go on and keep on trying."

**_Something's getting in the way  
Something's just about to break  
I will try to find my place  
in the diary of Jane  
So tell me how it should be_**

_I let my hopes soar up too high. I led myself through this "love" blindly, so that I wouldn't expect the annulment. I've been selfish, I know that now. But I will still try to be a good bodyguard and, if he'd let me, a good friend. I shall continue to cry and learn what I did wrong, while at the same time try and do my best to meet his expectations as simply a friend._

"And you were my best friend." Yuuri, through all the times he tried to love him, always saw Wolfram as the best friend he's ever had. Even after the disengagement they still tried to remain friends. He saw things being better that way. It was not long, however, until he saw the blonde growing depressed and self destructive. That was what the next pages were about, in another entry.

**_Try to find out  
what makes you tick  
As I lie down  
sore and sick  
Do you like that?  
Do you like that?_**

_So I haven't paid attention until now, but it has been a month since I've last written here, on the night of the annulment. Believe me, I tried being Yuuri's friend, but no matter what I did I get tormented by the memories we made together when I thought the love we shared was real. Now every night I fall into a restless sleep with a horrible knot in my stomach. Every morning when I wake up I now immediately run to the bathroom to vomit. Love is so cruel._

"That's because I made your life so cruel," Yuuri said as if he were talking to Wolfram in person. When he turned the page it was a new entry instead of a continuation of the previous one.

**_There's a fine line  
between love and hate  
And I don't mind  
Just let me say  
that I like that  
I like that_**

_I don't feel like there is a purpose for me to live after the disengagement anymore, not like how I felt in the beginning. So that's why earlier this late evening, dead in the night while everyone else was asleep, I tried to kill myself..._

The double black trembled with guilt. He never knew the depression has driven the blonde so far as to suicidal thoughts and attempts. With tears now running down his tanned cheeks, he read on the entry.

**_Something's getting in the way  
Something's just about to break  
I will try to find my place  
in the diary of Jane_**

_... Earlier I climbed up one of the castle towers when none of the soldiers on night patrol were around. I was planning on jumping, but I never expected Greta to follow me. She kept crying and begging me to not do it. I couldn't die in front of her, not while she was already tearing up. That was why I decided to put it off, and she slept in my room. Her presence is comforting, but I still feel terrible pains from existing._

_That's why she was so clingy to him that day_, Yuuri thought, turning a page. Next page was a new entry.

_A week after that incident with the tower, I tried again. This time, earlier this morning after breakfast I kept myself hidden in the castle cellar. First I tested the sharpness of the dagger I held in my hand and slashed my left wrist, making sure not to tear any important veins. I briefly watched the small trickle of blood running down and drip to the ground, which I positioned this way so nothing would get on my uniform. When the blade was confirmed to be sharp enough I held the handle in both hands and aimed it as best as I could in my neck, for my heart should still be stuck in my throat._

**_As I burn another page  
as I look the other way  
I still try to find my place  
in the diary of Jane  
So tell me how it should be_**

_I never thought Greta would come in at this time, too. I forgot that she comes in the cellar to draw sometimes. When she saw my predicament she started crying. She took the dagger out my hands and threw it to the side, and the point struck deep in a wooden crate. I held her tight while she sobbed in my chest, listening to her telling me to stop this. We made a promise, a pinky promise, that I would not die of my own acts, but of another's or maybe old age even though full-blooded Mazoku live to great ages._

_Greta must have suffered a lot from catching him before he could commit. _Yuuri skipped a few entries to avoid reading more suicidal attempts. He did not want to read any more of them, but he did spare a couple glimpses to realize there were five attempts in all. By the time he passed them he reached the final two entries, which were on the days he had come home and then died.

**_Desperate I will crawl  
Waiting for so long  
No love, there is no love_**

_I can't believe I still have enough energy to write. Well, might as well make the most of my strength. You want to know what happened? I'll tell you: my troops and I were ambushed by some group of bandits in the human areas. That meant our powers were of no use. I knew that I had to protect my men, since some were exhausted from traveling for so long. I can't remember much from that point, but I do remember telling them to make a run for it while I took them on so they could make it to safety. All that I can remember from the duration of the fight was a lot of blood, some coming from the enemy and a lot coming from me..._

It was a short description, but Yuuri could still understand the pain he went through. Wolfram had become more, well a little more, gentle with his soldiers, so he understood that what he had done was a sacrifice.

**_Die for anyone  
What have I become?_**

_Shinou, I must've blacked out after I last wrote in here. Now I seem to be in Gisela's infirmary. I heard nothing and saw no one, and morning light was coming through the opened window. According to the clock it is four in the morning, too early for even the maids to wake up. I just looked in the mirror, and saw that most of my scars were dressed except those on my face. I'm all alone._

_There is something on the desk on the far end of the room. A white canister filled with multicolored pills. I looked at the label and learned these were painkillers. That's when I realized it. One time a man died of an overdose of painkillers. Maybe if I can, I can finally rid myself of my existence. Yuuri won't have to put up with me anymore. I won't have to feel the terrible pains in my stomach from even the memory of him. With these I can rid us of each other's pain..._

**_Something's getting in the way  
Something's just about to break  
I will try to find my place  
in the diary of Jane_**

_... I just took two pills. Already I can feel my body growing lax and a little numb. This is the maximum amount of pills anyone is allowed to take... I just took two more pills. It's starting to become harder to breathe, but I'm alive. With every second I can feel myself shaking... One more pill has been added, and this should be enough considering these are very powerful painkillers. I can feel my own heart slowing down..._

_With the last of my strength, I shall write my last goodbyes, as this is my final entry. To my eldest brother Gwendal, I bid to you good luck with all of the chaos you have to control. You're going to need it. To my, as I have said as a child, Little Big Brother Conrart, I apologize for rejecting you all these years. I still love you and see you as my brother whom I have looked up to above anyone else. To my mother Cecilie, I hope you do find someone to love, as I have, but yours shall last forever._

He paused for a bit to wipe the tears off his face.

_For my beloved daughter Greta, the one who was there to support me whenever I felt like I couldn't smile anymore, I must let you know that I will forever watch you grow up and mature. May you always receive strength, love, and happiness. By the way, please forgive me for breaking our promise. You tried to get me to stop, but I never did. I'm sorry for going back on what I promised to you, and I hope you will still love me as your father._

**_As I burn another page  
As I look the other way  
I still try to find my place  
in the diary of Jane_**

_And finally, to Yuuri Shibuya... Promise me you will make someone else happy, that you will be a good king, that you will always look after Greta as she grows. Even though we are over, even though your love for me was not real... I still give you my heart, my soul, my love... Surely, hopefully, you will still accept this. And one more thing, I just want to let you know that although I ended my own life, I ended it because I found peace. You truly did make me happy. I really did reach my happy ending. Thank you._

_Goodbye to all whom I love, I will continue to watch and care deeply about all of you through my spirit. -Wolfram Von Bielefeld_

Yuuri stood up, keeping his thumb on the journal. He said he had made him happy, that he left in peace. That was what the double black had been sulking about for days, that Wolfram never found a happy ending. It made his heart feel lighter to know that his bodyguard, his former fiancé, his best friend had died knowing that he received happiness after searching for it for so long.

From inside his jacket, he took out an orange blossom. A Beautiful Wolfram. This flower he thought defined the dead blonde exactly. Fierce, bright, but also gentle and sensitive. This flower he had set in between the pages that he had finished reading, before closing the book altogether. With a sigh that was neither happy nor sad, he set the journal back in his back pocket and left the room.

"_See you tomorrow Yuuri._" He turned around at the sound of Wolfram's voice, but did not see anyone in the bedroom. It must be his mind playing tricks on him. Finally he closed the door behind him to leave for dinner.

A figure with a head of sun-kissed blonde hair and covered in a white aura appeared sitting cross legged on the bed. This figure was dressed in a navy blue and gold uniform, and there was still the bright blue necklace the double black had given him on the day of his funeral. He smiled sadly, and then held his clenched fists to his chest.

"_I got to hold him_," Wolfram whispered, silky white tears flooding his eyes. "_I'm so happy, so happy..._" He flopped back down on the bed and chuckled a soft laugh that was both happy and sad. Quietly, he uttered a phrase his friend had taught him a long time ago.

"_Arigatō, Yuuri..._"

* * *

**And... SCENE! I have one more to go to complete this trilogy: one prequel to this story but a sequel to Wolfram's Happy Ending. I'll be writing more of these kinds of stories after that, one where Yuuri is a cheater, one where Wolfram seeks revenge on a human bitch, one involving brotherly love, and a two-shot involving a Gwendal/Anissina pairing (courtesy of yuuram2fangirl). Dang, I have a lot on my plate! I hope you guys cheer me on!**

**Also, I wanna hear your requests for more of these one shots and stories and such! I really wanna expand my horizons on ships and stuff!**

**Signed with lots of love,**

**luvdawinx (aka Mars or Luvy)**


End file.
